Time to Let Go... And Let God!!!!

That has become my new slogan in life! Just wished I would of adheared to it many years ago, if I had, I probably wouldn't be in the position I'm in now, with a job that keeps me away from home way too much, and bills that make sure I don't get home too often, if you know what I mean.
I made many choices in the past that I wished I would of waited on God a little longer for help on, but patience has never been my strong point! And because of it things are a mess, just as they are for our country's economy! I've been on the road a lot these days trying to fix the mess I've made with finances, but the battle seems to be long and gruelling! But I've learned it's time that I let go of trying to run things in my life my way, and start letting God take the reigns more often.
Actually, I should let him take the reigns all the time, but the selfish prideful side of me tries to grab them from his hands from time to time. The lesson is learned, that my way is not always the right way, and that God's way is always the right way!!! Sometimes his way is very hard, but if you choose his path over your own, you will always come out the other side better off for it!! This is what I've been learning now for almost 40 years.
With that said, it is not always easy to let go, and let God, but I am trying, one day at a time to do just that! Pray for me that I will not be able to grab the reigns from God again, and make a bigger mess out the mess I've already made, LOL. Thanks...

The Perfect Valintine!

Ok, it has been over 10 years now that Teresa and I have been together, and I would have to say this was the best Valintine yet!!! In the past, I made the mistake of getting to comfortable in our marriage, and didn't try enough to show my love to Teresa, but after almost losing her for good this past summer, I realize that I need to Cherish the Love we Have! (just stole that line from Kool and the Gang song, Cherish, which I just happen to be listening to now, LOL).
Seriously, I was in a major funk for a long time when it came to our marriage, and it's funny how something so bad could turn into something so good! Now, I've learned to let Teresa know every day how much she means to me, and I find my love for her growing leaps and bounds the past few months, all because I decided to care again about her, and her feelings.
Now, it seems i can never get enough of her, and miss her terribly when I'm on the road! Before, it was no big deal when I left on a trip for a few days, because I just assumed she always be there, until this past summer she showed me that even she has a breaking point, and I had pushed her to it!
Well, this Valintine was a nervious one for me, because up till then, we still had not re-connected, and was struggling with our relationship, eventhough we both wanted to make it work badly! I tried to make it as perfect as I could for her that night! I choose making her dinner instead of dealing with crowds at crowded restraunts, My daughter, Chelsea, helped me decorate the dinning room, and Hotel room, to make it special, and everything seemed perfect!
But have to say, even with all the effort put in, the ice between us was still frozen solid! But something happened that night at the Hotel, something I can't really explain. All I know is we were struggling to connect, and while talking about it, something just snapped, and it was as if the Ice wall shattered all at once, and we was as close as we ever was!!! It was great! I thought I would never get that closeness with my wife again, but thanks to all the prayers, I feel God said enough was enough, and not melted the ice wall between us, but shattered it!!! Since then our relationship, I feel, has grown stronger, and the closeness is back!!! Thank you all for your prayers!! God is Good all the time!!!!!!!!

The Parking Lot in the Middle of the road...

Or it could also be the side's of the road... I have often traveled through Iowa after they have had some kind of winter storm and have always seen more cars and trucks stuck off the road in the midian, or on the sides of the highway, than you usually would after any storm in any other state!!!
I mean, when ever bad wheather hits, you know there will always be a handful of idiots that think they are bullet proof, or at least snow/ice proof , that will end up sliding off the highway due to driving to fast for conditions, but in Iowa, the number of idiots that slide off the Highway is way more than you find in any other state!!!
I often wonder why this was untill tonight. I was unfortunate enough to have to drive through a heavy snow storm tonight through Iowa, on my way to Shelby, IA. The snow was heavy, the roads where completely covers with white powder, I was traveling at speeds around 50mph when I could, which is pretty fast for conditions, and Iowa motorist were passing me like it was a bright sunshiney day!!! And I'm not talking just SUV's and 4-Wheel Drives, I'm also talking about Ford Focus' and other small cars like that! I now realize why so many Iowa Idiots end up in the ditch!!! Because they are just that, Idiots!!!!
I probably push the speed a little too much sometimes in bad wheather, but I'm in a big truck, with a lot of weight on my back to hold the road with! These Iowa 4-wheeler's are light, easy to loose control, and not good for snowy conditions!!!
Tonight I was driving in the right lane going about 50mph while a small car was attempting to pass me on the left. Three cars were getting on from on ramp, but I couldn't get over thanks to the Idiot 4-wheeler to give them the lane, so I had to slow down. In the process, the lead car getting on from the on ramp, took the ramp too fast, did two 360* in front of me, ended up in the midean, and the Car attempting to pass me on the left joined him there!!!
I think I was dealing with bad roads for about 100 miles, and it seemed that there were at least two 4-wheelers off the road and in a ditch for every 1 mile traveled!!! And that is not much of an exajeration either! Bottom line, If you are a body shop repairman by trade, then Iowa is the place to work, because there is an awful lot of 4-wheelers going to need some work done to them!!!!

Moving On....

Was just listening to that song on my blog, so had to use it as my next blog title, LOL. Anyways, I've been sitting in Chicagoland now for 34 + Hrs, and yes, I'm ready to get moving on!!!!!!! This is the hardest part of this job!
It's not the long hours behind the wheel, driving threw every known wheather conditions, or road hazards; It's not the dropping and Hooking, or trying to find customers addresses while worrying about getting lost and ending up in non-truck friendly areas (which happens way to often, LOL); It's not trying to dispatch myself on the perfect loads, or trying to find a load to get home with; It's not even trying to drive threw New York City (allthough that would be a close second, LOL);
It is most deffinantely the long breaks away from home that are forced on me by DOT regulations!!!!! 34 hrs is a long time to be stuck in a truck doing nothing, but being bored! Can't figure out why the DOT would think that would be better for a driver than just working and running until we get home, while obeying the other log book rules such as the 11 hrs a day driving, and the 14 hrs a day consecutive on duty and/or driving. That is what is wrong with our government, and our country, too many laws, rules, and regulations that are stupid and useless!!!
Tomorrow morning I will get up after sitting for over 40 hrs to go pick up a load going to Lawrence, KS, and I am so ready to get Moving On!!!!

Tried By Fire...

Like a sword, that is put in the fire to get hot enough to mend into a perfect weapon, so is God putting me and my family through the fire to make us, well not the perfect weapon, but more in tune with his will!
One thing I have diffenately learned in the last 6 months of my life, is that without God leading the charge, you will only end up in defeat! For a long time, I was guilty of just that, trying to be in charge instead of Letting God be in charge and what did it get me????????
Let me see???? Almost divorced????? Bankrupt????? Almost in the grave due to health issues????? Emotionally Depressed worse than any other time in my life (including when I lost my first wife and son in car accident 12yrs ago)???????? Angry all the time????? No fun to be around????? and on and on and on........
But even though I was going threw one of the ruffest patches in my life over the last 6 months, God has used that to mend me into the perfect sword! Ok, lets be honest here, I'm far from being like a perfect sword, but you get the picture right?
I mean, He has taught me to once again lean on him for all my needs, and now that I have put him first, leaning on him for everything, and letting go, and Let God.... I see my life on the uphill swing once again! My depression has lifted, my marriage is on the mend, I'm no longer angry all the time, and my finances see a light at the end of the tunnel, and this time I don't think it's a train! (ha ha).
The point is, putting God first once again has put me on the road to recovery! Thank you Lord for saving my soul from my sins, and putting me on the right track again!!!!

An unexpected U-turn in Life....

For many years in my marriage, I heard from my wife how I was not plugging into our marriage enough. There would be nights I would come home and be so tired that I would just want to roll over and go to sleep, when I'm sure my wife wanted something more from me that night, such as compassion, and affection. I found myself at that time, to be more worried about what I wanted, such as video games, and anything that brought me intertainment, than being there for my wife when she needed me most. Usually I was there for my wife, but only at the times when I wanted to be. I've always loved being effectionate, but in the past, I chose the times to do just that around fulfilling my addiction, which mostly was to video games.
As a result of many years of being turned off to my Wife's needs, and worrying more about my own, she had enough and unplugged herself, which lead to a close encouter to divorce court for us a few months ago. Sadly, it took almost losing her to realize how much I needed her, and truly loved her. For far too long I was taking advantage of the fact that she would always be there for me, and when I wanted her, I would get what I wanted...
Well, since that ruff spot in our marriage, we have been slowly rebuilding our relationship to where it was before I became addicted to something other than her love. Guess I just have an addictive nature. Now I find myself addicted to her, and loving her more than I can stand sometimes. When I'm on the road, which is way too much, I find myself missing her more now than I ever did in the past! I guess a lot of that is due to the fact that I got to see what life would be like without her, and I didn't like it. I use to go out on the road, and I did miss her, but I always knew she would be there when I got home, and didn't think about not having her in my life then. But now, ??? I find myself constantly worried that I'm not good enough to keep her happy. And with all the problems we are having in just about every aspect of our live's, I'm worried that one day she will just be done with me and want to move on...
Part of this new worry is due to the U-turn in our live's. Before I was the one unplugged, and now she is the one unplugged. I mean, she love's me, she tells me all the right things, and is affectionate at times, but when I need her most, she just rolls over and goes to sleep, much like I did before. I realize she is been under a lot of stress with starting her new school, and is tired from putting in long days from babysitting and going to school at night, but for some reason, I can't help from thinking there is more to this unplugging she has done in our marriage.
I try to say my feelings, but they always come out wrong, and are misinterpreted as me just wanting sex, or something like that, but in reality, It's more about me wanting to be wanted again. Before she wanted me, and I knew it, and it gave me security in our relationship. I know, selfish of me to only worry about my security then, when all kinds of things must of been going through her head at those times, on to why I was not plugging into her.
Now, I am the one constantly worrying about why she has not plugged back into our marriage in this way. In every other way, everything seems to be okay, but when we are alone, I do not feel like she wants me anymore, and it makes me sad! She has a lot on her plate, and I'm trying to be patient and understanding, but I'm struggling with this U-turn in the road of our life. I love her more than anything, and need her always, but I am struggling with this change. Pray for me, that I may be patient, and understanding while she adjust to her knew schedule, and hopefully over a period of time, her love will grow strong for me again, and she will want me like she use too, and both of us will be plugged in, and our love will grow stronger than ever before!

Adventures of a Mad Truck driver...

Here are just a few photos I took while on the road. I made them into a short movie, so hope you enjoy! Figured it would be a nice way of sharing my adventures with whoever wanted to see.